The Lesson Of Her Fear
by missamy-lm
Summary: Creative writing English project. BA Angst. Character death as well as Character suicide. Refers to 2004 Boxing Day tsunami. You have been warned


A/N: Written in a creative writing class for English. Not CI originally.. but hey... anything goes. I will point out now: I cannot see Bobby drowning... Ever... so this fic makes no sense in that department... Also... Why the HELL would Bobby and Alex be in Thailand is beyond me... But the one main point I see here is this: Neither of them could live without the other. And if one died because of the other, they would never forgive themselves... Enjoy my dark twisted story writing.

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The Lesson Of Her Fear

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I never imagined I would be afraid of water. I seriously fooled myself into thinking the ocean was my friend. This loyal, predictable being, whom I could trust. I shivered, the wind blowing across my body. Staring out at the waves crashing gently on the shoreline, I shut my eyes, wishing I was somewhere else. I stared down at my clothing. Black, just like my mood. I had just buried the one man I ever truly loved, and it was all my fault. I should have saved him… I could have! I remember watching the water suck him under, his screams for help. And I couldn't do anything. I just stood there, frozen, wanting to save him but not wanting to get in the water. By the time the lifeguards got to him, it was too late. He was gone. This was all because of one day in my life, that changed everything.

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Boxing Day 2004. This was supposed to be a peaceful, relaxing day. A day where families could be together. It was not supposed to be a day that millions of people would rather forget. A day of tragedy, of destruction, and of death. People ran down to the shore as the ocean sucked back into itself, fish gasping for oxygen on the cold wet sand. I remember Bobby grabbing my hand, and running. As far and as fast as we could, to get away from the shoreline that would soon disappear.

I could hear the wave coming closer, the peoples screams growing louder. I felt the lump rising in my throat, but I would not cry… now was not the time for tears. We ran faster, through the crowds of terrified people. Mothers, grabbing their children. Husbands, searching frantically for their wives, and vice-versa. I screamed out in pain, as I felt my ankle give way underneath me, bone penetrating flesh and muscle. I felt Bobby's arms scoop me up, but I couldn't bare to open my eyes. The pain was almost unbearable, and as I bit into my lip, I heard more tortured screams. People were dying, and there was not a thing anyone could do about it. This was Mother Nature's sick way of showing us that she was all powerful, and no-one could stop her.

That was when I could hear it. The wave thundering closer to us. I opened my eyes, and screamed. People started to run faster, but I told myself that it was pointless. I gripped onto Bobby as hard as I could, and held my breath as the cold water crashed over us. Squeezing my eyes shut, I prayed for the moment the water would stop smashing into our bodies. I felt cold wind on my hair, and I started to gasp for air. I heard screaming, and I felt his arms around my waist. We were both okay… for now at least. I swam shakily to the nearest pole, and wrapped my arms around it tightly, grounding myself to it.

I could feel the cold liquid swirling, as it prepared to gush back out into the ocean. I gripped on tighter, closing my eyes again. I felt my body drag back with it, and I whimpered, my hands starting to blister. I let go, the pain in my hands burning, and wrapped my arms completely around Bobby's waist, tears rolling down my face. I couldn't deal with this… I just couldn't! The water eventually slowed down, and I placed my good ankle on the floor, letting Bobby help me stand properly. The water was still up to my waist, and I shivered, the cold air smacking me across the face.

I could feel the bone. The muscle and flesh felt disgusting, and the horrible part? I could feel every nerve snap. Every tiny flash of pain, and I could feel it as if it were a million times worse. Bobby's arms wrapped around me tighter, and I looked into his eyes, tears streaming down my face. He sighed, kissing my forehead gently. I couldn't believe that this was actually happening. I convinced myself that if I closed my eyes, and opened them again, that I'd be at home, safe and warm in my bed. So I did. Eyes shut, eyes open. Still waist deep in freezing cold water.

We waded gently, but so incredibly slowly through the water. I moved closer to Bobby, as we passed a group of people, floating silently in the water. I swallowed the lump that was rising in my throat, and looked away. But everywhere I looked, there was devastation. And not just buildings and trees completely destroyed. Bodies, all eerily silent in the water, children screaming for their mothers. I shivered, and looked up. Hundreds of helicopters and planes flew overhead, and I closed my eyes, praying that they were here to help us.

I wanted to cry. To scream and to cry, as we finally reached the medical tent. By this point, Bobby was carrying me. I was slowing us down, as a walk that should have taken us twenty minutes took us two hours. He lay me down on one of the empty beds, and I put my ankle up, and for the first time I actually saw the damage. I watched as one of the doctors looked at it, and said something about 'amputation'. I screamed, cuddling myself into Bobby's arms. He held onto me, watching as the doctor examined my ankle some more.

'We can repair it… it'll be painful, though.' I nodded. 'Do it. I don't want to lose my ankle…' Bobby picked me up, carrying me to one of the many waiting helicopters. I was about to be airlifted to Darwin, becoming one of thousands about to invade the Australian city. I sighed, looking out the window. There was debris from the wave floating in the ocean, and I shivered, feeling a cool breeze that wasn't there blow across my neck. The helicopter landed, and Bobby picked me up again. I touched his cheek softly. 'Are you alright…' I whispered, and he looked into my eyes. 'I'll be okay…' He whispered gently, kissing my forehead. He placed me softly on the gurney, and I kissed his fingers, letting go at the last possible second as they took me into surgery.

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I looked out at the water, watching it splash over the shoreline, wishing I wasn't so scared. I stood up, standing on the shoreline, letting the water touch my feet. I felt my whole body freeze up, and watched the cool liquid touch my toes. I stepped in a bit more, my breathing became shallower. I cried, and recorded a message on my answering machine, letting my family know why I was doing this.

'Mum… Dad… I'm so sorry… I… I wish that none of this ever happened. That I was never in Thailand that day… that I had the guts to save Bobby…' I cried harder, clutching onto the phone tighter. 'Please forgive me for doing this… you need to know that this is what I want… I don't deserve to live, after what happened… I… I love you guys so much… make sure that everyone know how much I love them. Goodbye forever…' I closed the phone, throwing it behind me, and I heard it softly thud into the sand.

I stepped into the freezing water more, tears spilling down my cheeks. I'll be with you soon, Bobby… I'm sorry for letting you die… I cried harder, the water now up to my waist. The tide was coming in, and I was shaking, my heart racing. The fear was slowly dripping away from my body, as the water continued to cover more and more of my body. I swam out until I couldn't reach the bottom, and let the waves take over. I couldn't fight it anymore, and my body slid under the water. As I felt my life slip away, I realized that I was never afraid of the water. I was more afraid of the pain it caused.

It was two years after the tsunami, and finally the screams ceased. Finally, I was with Bobby... My Bobby... I was at peace.

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A/N: What'dya think? Reviews make this writer smile:) Especially because I'm injured... please? Much love, as always. (And remember as you review: THIS WAS NOT ORIGINALLY A CI FIC! I HAVE POINTED OUT ITS OBVIOUS FLAWS! NON CI-ESQUE AT ALL!!!)


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